Pinky swears

The last time I actually sweared with my pinky was over a year ago and it didn’t turn out well. Actually, none of them turned out well. I don’t like using my pinky for promising things that I know I’ll only break but I don’t know what happened today. I made a promise with a friend to never do something ever again. Will I be able to stay loyal to that promise? ‘cause I pretty much have this feeling that I won’t. I don’t trust my pinky anymore.. I don’t trust myself anymore and I don’t know why.

My life’s filled will a lot of questions that I can’t even answer right now and they’re dragging me down. It’s like there’s this string that’s just holding the pieces of me together like some fish that’s been sliced and filled with a lot of other stuff, and I feel that if I don’t get these questions answered soon, I’ll totally break apart and crack open.

I’m afraid to put myself out there, I’m now afraid to take risks.

Why? That’s one of the questions I ask myself also.