For my future Boyfriend, Julian

Just so you know, I  miss you even if we haven't met and I don't even know if your name really is Julian. For 18 years, I've only known 2 Julians and I'm pretty sure you're not them. You might not even have that name but it would make me smile if you do. I have no idea if you even exist at all or if you're just about to be introduced into this world (the latter would make me look like some sort of cougar/pedophile), but let's just pretend that you're about the same age as me.

You might not be reading this today or even tomorrow and the day after, you might not be able to read this at all but I just want to tell you that right now I feel sad, I'm sitting here in front of the laptop alone eating cheddar jalapeno-flavored Cheetos and dipping them in sour cream. I want to hug you and tell (more like rant) about my shitty day and knowing that seeing you would make things a little better. I just feel so alone this moment and I remembered you even if I don't know you. You might be the guy I saw walking along the bridge earlier wearing a red v-neck shirt and black pants, or the dude with the aviators who was behind Jake as he ordered at the counter earlier, and maybe even be the guy wearing earphones who walked right beside me humming to his music. 

I wish I knew what type of music you like. I love listening to The Beatles, it's okay if you don't but if you do that would make me really happy also. Of course I don't expect you to have similar interests as me and I also  don't want you to do things just for the sake of making me happy. I want you to know in advance that you don't need to do anything to make me happy because just seeing you would do.

I sure hope I'm with you. I'm so bored and I don't want to start doing things for school yet. Right now you might be with your best friends or you might even be stuck at home on a Friday looking at your Facebook and just staring at your friends' posts and pictures. We might even have mutual friends and you might have already seen me in one of your friends' photos but just completely ignored me 'cause you don't know me, but there's also a possibility that you've looked at my face for a minute or two wondering if I could be your next girlfriend. Well, Julian you're right and I hope you decide to add me or even bother to ask your friend who I am so that we could start talking and knowing more about each other. 

We can be best friends first and I will proudly introduce you to my dearest block mates and secretly let them judge you if you're a good guy, but I know you are even if they say you're not. I know you're not perfect but you are for me. I know I'm a bit cheesy that's why I'm trying to introduce myself to you now so that you'll know what to expect when we're already together. I want to be with you already, but for now I know I'll have to wait and I'm okay with that. I just hope that you do exist 'cause if not then I'm waiting for someone who'll never come and that would make me look stupid yet of course writing this already makes me seem pathetic but I don't care.

I really hope you show up, Julian. Even if you're name is not really Julian, please show up. And someday, when we're together and you ask me why I wrote this with the name "Julian" I'll tell you the whole reason. No, I don't have a specific image of a person in mind while I'm writing this....okay, maybe yes, but it's Julian Lennon so no need to get jealous about that. I hope you don't get jelly easily but it would be cute if you do, 'cause every time you get jelly I'll do everything to show you how much I love you and how important you are to me.

I wish I was with you right now, oh god, I keep on saying this but it's true. I just don't feel comfortable talking about my problems with my closest friends.I want someone special who would just listen to me who would try to make things better, and I know that that would probably be you (I don't want to assume but I feel that it's really you). But I think it would be awkward if I talk to you about this problem of mine since you are my future boyfriend.... but I believe that you'll understand. Oh well, let's forget about  this. I want to call you right this moment and ask you to go out and drink some coffee or tea with me and just talk about the randomest (is this randomest even a word?) things ever but since I don't have your number - I can't. I can only imagine us in a coffee shop here in Katipunan with big smiles both on our faces and  just enjoying each other's company.We look cute together, Julian dear. I can only wish you can see this, too. My imagination is so vivid my gosh. Let's stop already before I start to miss you more.

Just know that I love you Julian even if we haven't met. I don't expect you to be all of these things but I sure hope that you're real. Good night for now, see you in the near future, baby. :-)

Love,
Kaye :-*