Friday, October 31, 2014

Before me

I never thought I'd be able to love like this again. I'm not even sure if this really is love, but it sort of feels like it. At first I was a bit hesitant about this thing. I even told myself that I won't tell you "I love you" unless I really meant it. Honestly, I don't even know if I really meant it the first time I told you that and I'm sorry. I'm still not sure of what I really feel, but don't worry I'm okay I won't back out. I love you and I trust you, but you know what bothers me though? Nica.

Nica. The girl you liked (loved, even) before me. You told us all about her and how much you still liked her. You stalked her each time we were together, talked a lot about her and I saw how happy you were. I felt how hurt you were and how much you loved her. But then the day came when I had to tell you about what happened, and with just that you started to think of the possibility of us. It made me happy at first because we were close, but it scared me since I know you still loved her. 

Before me there was her. You still liked her.

I thought about it long and hard. You told me that you liked me, but some of your friends didn't want you to be with me. They probably told you how terrible of a person I am. Well you know what? I am. I am. I will let you go if you want to go. I will not try to insert myself into your life if you don't want me to. I will let you go out every night with your friends, I will not freak out if you sleepover with a bunch of girls because I trust you (and maybe because I don't care that much, I'm still trying to figure it out). I will not be clingy. I won't ask for your time. I won't let you spend too much on me. I wouldn't get mad if you don't reply to me. It's fine with me if you don't send me cute good morning or good night messages. I will not ask too much from you, but I will try my best to be the greatest girlfriend you ever had. I will show you who I really am. I will not hide my true self. I will be completely honest because I'm in it for the long run. I hope you are, too.

But before me there was her. And you still liked her when you first started thinking about the possibility of us. How am I supposed to feel?

How sure were you when you realized you loved me, too? When you clearly loved her more than anyone else in the world. 

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