How many years has it been?

Hello, I'm kinda back.

The last time I wrote something in this page, I was still madly in love with my ex-. Young college girl (senior) desperately waiting for a relationship for years grabs the first chance she gets. I have to admit that I did not think much of that then. I was happy and that was enough for me. It would be lying if I said that Rafa never made me feel happy and appreciated - he did. That's one of the reasons I loved him and kept choosing him over and over.

We became official March 9, 2016. Just a few months before graduating and before medical school. Yes, I I made it to medical school and I'm actually an intern now, can you believe it? How time fucking flies. Anyway, we got together just a few months before medical after dating for almost a year. I was happy and satisfied with my relationship until I met Ced.

Ced.

Ced was my trans groupmate in medical school. We easily hit it off on the first day of first year med school. We had the same interests and same humor. He was my even my type - white, Chinese, tall, kinda awkward. For a second, regret passed by my mind. Regret that I had not waited for a few months, regret of being so desperate to have a relationship, but I stuck with my choice. I was not a cheater; I loved my then-boyfriend and so I chose him.

For the next 5 years I kept choosing him no matter the circumstance.

I'm not gonna pretend to be the perfect girlfriend. I had my weak days. There were days (heck even weeks) when I would think about how things would be if I were with Ced instead. I kept thinking to myself that it was weird and ridiculous, always trying to remove it off my mind - and I was able to.

After being so close from first to second year medical school, Ced and I had a fall out which made it easier for me to detach (even for him, he just didn't want to admit it). We went on with our lives separately, minded our own relationships. He was even able to date other people during that period.

Come third year medical school, by some weird thing, Ced and I were talking again. As if nothing happened before. We were close again. There would be times when he would call me and ask me for advise regarding his relationship. Everything was okay between us again, but you know, the tension has always been there.

In clerkship, he decided to live in the condo. That was the time we would spend so much time with each other. I would often stay over his place to watch Netflix and just hang out. You could say that we were hanging out everyday. My ex- then was completely fine with it. He never felt threatened or jealous about the fact that I was sleeping over Ced's place. We trusted each other and I appreciated that a lot.

Okay, just to make things clear, Ced and I had clear walls during that time. We never did anything that could jeopardize any of our relationships.

Last week of clerkship, that's when I hit rock bottom. My ex left me. That was also the time when things got really honest between us.

I'm sure you know where I'm going. Ced and I are together now. Medical school bestfriends, 4 years in the making, blalalalalalalala whatever. We're not yet official, just dating. He's perfect. Everything I've always wanted in a guy and in a relationship, but recently I've been having troubles with other things ---- like his family.