Take risks with me

As human beings, almost all of us have this defect of wanting to love and be loved, and I have to admit that I'm guilty, too of that.

I just finished reading a trilogy lately, as I have told you in my previous post, and it changed me. Not the type of change you normally feel after attending a three-day retreat that usually lasts only for a week or two. It's the kind of change that makes you realize how much time you've been ignoring and taking for granted the things that are most important.

There was a time in my life when I loved and was loved by someone and back then I thought that I could never be happier. I had someone to talk to from the moment I woke up until I went to bed. I had someone to tell I love you for at least more than five times a day. I had someone to call, to laugh with and to cry on to anytime. Someone who understood me and listened to me every time. Then I lost that someone, and it felt like it was the end.

It didn't feel nice to be alone, to have no one to love, to have no one to text good morning and good night every time. I always had a hard time getting out of bed during the first few weeks. All I wanted to do during those times were to sleep and listen to sad music.....which made everything worse. I think that's what most people do when they're hurt - they try to hurt themselves more. They want to feel the pain so that they could cry it out of their systems because it numbs them a little. I cried, too, of course. I cried when I had the chance to cry without anybody seeing me or telling me that they told me so. I cried before I went to bed, after waking up, and while taking a bath. I cried on the dining table and in church. I cried and cried until I got tired of it and then came one morning, I woke up and felt that I was happy, even if I poured my heart out the night before. I felt happy and I knew I was.

It's never easy losing someone, but there's always something to be thankful for in everything bad that happens to us. I'm thankful that I lost that someone way back then. Back when the reasons were still too immature and shallow, and now I'm seriously laughing at myself for being over-dramatic. I was so young and in-love but I'm glad that I experienced it - that young love thing. Now, I can proudly say that I was wrong then for loving only the the people around me. I was wrong for loving only the people and the things that I thought were the most important. I was selfish two years ago for having loved only the people who I thought loved me back and the things that I thought I needed the most.

The book I read was all about love. It was set few years in the future in a dystopian world where love is considered a disease. The people see love as something harmful and that they have managed to create a cure for it so that they wouldn't be able to feel it any more. They would not be able to love and to hate anything or anyone. Some people might like the idea of it but it's a lot of peoples worst nightmare - a world without love.

Now that I've been happily single for a long amount of time, I think I'll be staying like this for a lot more years. Not being stuck with someone has changed my feelings and attitude towards almost everything. I used to think about my marriage all the time, thought about my children's names and where we'll live. I was a bit pathetic back then but it's all part of growing up I guess. Now that I've learned to become more independent, I don't usually think of planning my "romantic future" that much. One friend of mine told me that it'll come at the right time and moment, you have to stop looking for it 'cause that'll only higher the chances that who you found isn't the right one. You just have to wait and wait and I've put her advice to heart. Not being in a relationship has helped me think clearly and realize all the things that I have done wrong and the things that I should be doing instead. It helps you know your priorities and appreciate the world around you, the things you have and the people who love you. It'll even change your perspective about love itself, in a good way, of course.

Lately, I've learned to love a lot of things, ideas, people and I always keep falling in love with them. I tried to listen to different genres of music and books (you know...broadening my horizons) and I found out that I had different interests, too. I watched a lot of series - funny ones, detective stories, medically-related ones and I enjoyed most of them. Because of that, I've come to know myself even more. I now have an idea of my likes and dislikes and I'm a lot more confident now. I tried meeting new people and maintained a good relationship with them. I started to value everything I had before I even lose them.

Now for this love thing, nobody ever said that love should only be felt between two human beings. You can choose to love whoever and whatever you want to and I'm telling you now that nothing's wrong with that. Nothing's also wrong with loving too much, walang mawawala sa 'yo pag nagmahal ka ng sobra. You'll be blessed a lot more for loving more. According to The Beatles, "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make". You will get the love you deserve, always remember that. Also, you'll never run out of love, it's impossible, so give love to others even if they hurt you because it is the right thing to do and I swear from experience that it'll make you feel a lot better. Don't fight anger with anger instead fight anger with love.

And another thing, don't stress too much about looking for your Mr. or Ms. Right because they're just around the corner. Six degrees of separation remember? God has everything planned for all of us, especially you! Don't look for love if you can give it. There are a lot of things and people in this world who need your love today more than your special someone.

Just think of it this way... right now that you don't have someone to give your heart to, God or even the universe has given you the chance to share your heart to someone else. This is the time that you give back what you have received for it will always be replaced by something much better than what you deserve. There may be times when giving and sharing love to others will be hard but take that as a challenge to make yourself better. Use this time to love and understand yourself more. Use this time to take risks and discover new ideas. Take this time to do whatever it is that you want to do as long as you're not stepping on anybody (figuratively.. and literally).

And if you have someone special now, you should be thankful. There are a lot of people out there who are longing to have what you have. Sometimes it may feel like it's not right, like there something wrong and when that happens, breathe and get out of your room. Be alone for a while and take time to appreciate everything that you have. Think about all your blessings and make yourself happy. Smile, listen to music and put the volume up. When you're happy, that's when you try to think about what's wrong. Don't let your emotions take over, you will regret it. Chill out and love. Whatever decision you make, do it for you, not for anyone or anything else. Just remember that if it's for you then it's for you but if it's not then.. let it be. God has better plans for you and your love.

Love is all around. So feel and embrace it.

Let it flow through every part of your soul.

Don't overthink.

Hug people.

Hug yourself.

Tell everyone you love them.

Tell yourself, "I love you" for you should.

Say "I love you" out loud.

Put yourself out there.

Take risks this time.

Take risks with me.









Thank you for a year of happiness and warmth! More years to come! Love you all!

Kaye XXXXXOOOOOXOXOXOXOXO